Comic 951 - Test out the homunculus

Posted on 19th Apr 2018, 11:01 PM in Shipping Off to Southden
Test out the homunculus

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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 19th Apr 2018, 11:01 PM edit delete
You watch the miniature you for a little while, both externally and internally. On the one hand, she doesn't seem sapient at all--she doesn't act on her own, and she shows no signs of thinking. She's wired up just enough to follow through on simple orders. She's similar to Baby Red, just... even less. There's enough brain to make moving her body easier for you, but not enough to make her aware of things.

On the other hand, she blinks on her own, and thinking about all this does weird you out just a little bit.

You give her a few basic commands. You have her blow out the candles. You have her walk across the room. You shut the bathroom door, and have her open it. She has to jump a little to reach the handle, but she manages it.

You have her greet everyone.


"Nope," Fuse declares. "Nooope nope not into it. We have gone too far, there was a line and we've crossed it."

"She's... certainly versatile," Dr. Finch states. "It is technically an improvement over what we were using prior."

"I still think she's adorable," Michelle states. "She's Blondie but... smaller. Baby Blondie."

"We've moved from meat golems to meat puppets," Caius says. "That dress ain't skin or nothin', is it?"

"No..." Dr. Finch replies, watching your small duplicate as you make her scamper about the bunker. "That is definitely cloth. One must wonder if the tradesmen have a sense of humor, or if they were just being thorough."

"We now know how to kill Douglas Gargan," Fuse comments. "Like five of these waking him up in the middle of the night. Dude would not survive."

"We should... probably turn our attention to other preparations," Dr. Finch says. "...As... amusing as this has been."


37212513 19th Apr 2018, 11:20 PM edit delete reply
Really? Mama Red hasn't said anything? Bummer.

Anywho, Finch is right. Next step. Check the clock, how much of the day do we still have. Who hasn't done anything today? Can these people make the first B-X run? (That sounds horrifyingly like a sport....)
Baron11704 19th Apr 2018, 11:21 PM edit delete reply
One has to think that if we get five of these and upgrade them we might get something to rival bab red
Archon 19th Apr 2018, 11:23 PM edit delete reply
As amusing as Blondie Jr. is, its not something we would want to use in the field. It can stay here with little red. Tinker with its brain a bit now and then, try to get some higher thinking going on.

That and it would be less than good for morale if the little thing got hurt.
Fishbulb 19th Apr 2018, 11:57 PM edit delete reply
Actually, MiniJane could be the perfect person homunculus to send into the mine on Mars, assuming Fuse could make a teeny space suit. That's something to look into as soon as the bioprinter caper is over.
Memo 20th Apr 2018, 7:15 AM edit delete reply
This is a brilliant suggestion
pkrankow 20th Apr 2018, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
Here is a crazy thought. Jane can learn to make a space suit out of red. 15psi is all there is to atmospheric pressure. Depending on the mix of gasses much lower is acceptable. Space suits are 4.3 psi per NASA.

Keritin and bone for the body with tougher cartilage to make the joints work. Having visibility through the helmet is probably the hard part. Either use glass or make a structure similar to an eyeball lens but tougher and thicker.

The homunculus is the perfect test for this type of thing. The suit can just grow off it, where everybody else (except Jane who can grow her own) would need to reside inside.
Blue_Elite 19th Apr 2018, 11:30 PM edit delete reply
Now Fuse, we could just equip the one with a kitchen knife as big as her and have her say, "Come play with me." All the supernatural killer movies I know of involving living dolls says that's the best way to make something that is by all rights less threatening than a kindergartener into a mass-murderer.

So I think we can all agree that, IF this little bundle of joy survives, we totally have to dress her up the next time we change clothes.

Should we try making bone armour next? Just make some bone plates, stitch them together, and after making a couple of them try the improvement ritual to see if we can get some actual armour out of the deal.
We'll still need to buy an actual shield. A riot shield will have stronger material for less weight than bone and allow for visibility.
Twyll 19th Apr 2018, 11:42 PM edit delete reply
We could also try using chitin for armor, if we can create non-human biological materials.
Archon 19th Apr 2018, 11:47 PM edit delete reply
Should be capable of making most any material, just a matter of figuring out the process.
Blue_Elite 20th Apr 2018, 12:14 AM edit delete reply
I believe the human equivalent to chitin is keratin. I wasn't sure if bone or keratin is stronger.
white 19th Apr 2018, 11:56 PM edit delete reply
How thorough were the tradesmen? Like does she have scaled down versions of all the internal organs one would expect of a human or just enough to duplicate certain functions? Is her voice just like ours or is it weird?
Memo 20th Apr 2018, 7:18 AM edit delete reply
That's a good question, and it raises an other one. Does she/it need to eat?
Twyll 19th Apr 2018, 11:57 PM edit delete reply
While we've got the ritual circle up, I'd still like to try trading bandages (both blooded and non-blooded, in separate groups) and syringes. And maybe some extra candles if we have extras of those, or matches or something. Anything else we have a surplus of? Maybe some food? Edit: Socks maybe? Maybe they'll give us extra-fluffy ones or something.
Fishbulb 19th Apr 2018, 11:59 PM edit delete reply
I would be mildly curious what the result would be if they traded three Level cigarettes.
Twyll 20th Apr 2018, 12:01 AM edit delete reply
Oooh, that's a good one, yes!
Blue_Elite 20th Apr 2018, 12:20 AM edit delete reply
1 "Cuban" level cigar maybe.
Archon 20th Apr 2018, 12:28 AM edit delete reply
A vaporwave cigar, perhaps?
CiciEnixa 20th Apr 2018, 12:00 AM edit delete reply
Okay, one, this is the weirdest and probably cutest thing ever, second only to Baby Red. And two, I just pictured it with the voice of the Mine Turtle from asdf and aaaagh... its too cute XD I wonder if properly externalizing Red would look like this.

I agree with maybe not having her in combat zones, but if (and that's a big IF) any intruder gets inside the bunkers, can we PLEEEEASE have Baby Blondie knife-wield? XDDD
Blue_Elite 20th Apr 2018, 12:25 AM edit delete reply
She's not appropriately accessorized. Once we get her a little sweet lolita outfit, the resulting cuteness mass will create a cute-hole (cute version of a black hole) that will suck people like Michelle right to her.

Also her intruder alarm should be her saying, "Come play with me."
Swagner 20th Apr 2018, 12:32 AM edit delete reply
I love that fuse is keeping as much distance as he can from her.

But anyway, yeah, back to the sabotage. Only Finch and Fuse are going to be hacking, right? Should we hedge our bets and have Caius and Michelle destroy some tunnels and/or plant some drums of blood (ostensibly, we should be able to produce a lot, what with an infinite red to pull from) in case the counter-hack doesn't work?
Portal In Time 20th Apr 2018, 12:48 AM edit delete reply
Portal In Time
Let's sic Jolem (Jane Golem) on Fuse and make her give him a hug, just to freak him out :)

Also, does the homunculus have proper human anatomy internally? Like, does she have a digestive system, lungs, kidneys, that sort of thing?
skybirds15 20th Apr 2018, 3:36 AM edit delete reply
The tradesmen ritual is now a toy. I can't decide if the tradesmen are comedians or trolls, or some serious business types mixed in with comedians and trolls.

Aside. (ugh just thought how it has a reproductive system) We could probably clone mini-me here using her as a base. The red seems to work better for us with concrete ideas based in simplicity, so cloning might be easy. Fuse, time to enact your plan.
Eternity 20th Apr 2018, 9:04 AM edit delete reply
This... this is adorable, amazing, and horrifying at the same time.

Also dye her hair maybe, I'd like this new disguise to last longer than the last one
Warp 20th Apr 2018, 9:10 AM edit delete reply
I want to "trade up" some written messages on identical pieces of paper to the tradesmen, see if the "upgraded" paper contains a response back. Each paper could include a personal note from one of our team mates, if we wanted to add more variety.
chaosblitz 20th Apr 2018, 11:08 AM edit delete reply
I want to buy SO MUCH doll clothing for baby-blondie oh my god, she's so cute! (even if she is kinda uncanny-valley-ish)
Reiko Lupus 20th Apr 2018, 11:57 AM edit delete reply
What about getting a bunch of computers and trading them in the ritual with the Tradesmen?
And if they don't fit, then putting only a few, putting the end result with others, and repeating the process until we get a Super-Computer!
WalkerOfSorrow 20th Apr 2018, 12:35 PM edit delete reply
Baby Blondie is my new favorite character. We need to buy like fifty dolls, throw all their clothes into a ritual, and get her the best outfit that Tradesmen can make.