Comic 628 - Tamper with memories

Posted on 28th Nov 2017, 11:17 PM in Ghosts
Tamper with memories

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Author Notes:

Morgenstern 28th Nov 2017, 11:17 PM edit delete
You borrow a pen and paper from Dr. Finch, and you begin to transcribe your memories as much as you can. Once you've finished writing down the good parts of what you remember... you resolve to start cutting.

You give yourself a level effect to keep you from panicking, and you begin to mess with your own memories.

It's not quite as easy as using the cleantex to remember things. You're not tampering with the vivid images as you recall them--rather, you're trying to precisely cut out the neural sequences that equate to those memories. You focus on the memory of meeting Caius... and watch the activities of your brain, seeing exactly which brain cells begin to act, and which neurons begin to fire. A memory is not a single file housed in the mind--it's sensations, and feelings, all pieced back together by different portions of the brain. The amygdala reproduces emotions, the visual cortex recalls what you saw at a given moment, and so on. You concentrate on the memory, attempting to figure out exactly where the awful feeling induced by Nil comes in.

You watch... and you consider... and you carefully decide which part of the reconstruction process might be at fault. Because memories are not isolated objects, you're not exactly deleting the memory--it's more like you're commanding your brain to forget how to reform the memory. Once the sequence of constructing a memory is no longer possible, the memory is gone.

You cautiously target a section of the neural reconstruction of the time you met Caius... and you force your brain to remove it from the chain.

...And it disappears.

The whole thing.

You know who Caius is, and you remember everything you've done together

you just

don't remember how you met.

There's a vacancy, a blank space somewhere between when Prophet left and when you exited the warehouse. There's... figments, something there, but you can't put it together. Like trying to remember a dream as it fades.

You tamper with your memory of Fuse. You don't... lose as much this time. You remember him attacking you, and you injecting him. You just... don't remember how you got to that point. You were at someone's apartment--


Howler's. It was Howler's apartment. You felt it slip for a second but it didn't quite escape you. You don't remember introducing yourselves, though, or... why Fuse was there in the first place.

You try to cut the overwhelming fear from when you encountered Dr. Finch in the hospital.

You make the cut

and remember the lemon scent stinging your eyes. Why did you walk into the laundry room? H... how? You trace your steps backward. You remember the hallway. You remember wandering through the dark. You don't... you don't even remember there being a door there. Did you walk in on your own, or did he pull you in? Were you being chased, or were you just grabbing the first door you saw?

You don't remember.

You take a deep breath, and you start to tinker with your memory of meeting Michelle. You crawled down the vent, and--

--why didn't you exit the vent when you met her? Did she give you a reason to think she was dangerous? Michelle did have a pretty big gun. She started calling you 'blondie'... you must not have given her your name.

You get to your memory of Mom, and Dad, and the three of you watching the stars.

You try to be careful.

You've gotten better at not... losing everything. You think you can do it this time. You're pretty confident you can keep most of the memory intact, and just eject the bad part.

You go to cut Nil from the memory, and--

it's gone.

You try to recall it but you cut the whole thing, or enough of it that you can't piece it back together. It was... the way they said it... whatever it was. Whatever they were saying. The ... the whole thing was ruined.

And it's gone now.

If it weren't for the level, you would probably break down. You ... you know it was important. It mattered, you just... you just don't remember what it was. Your parents drove you... somewhere? They said something, and you wanted to remember it, but

you can't.

You have successfully removed Nil from your mind. It no longer has a presence in your brain.


rufiangel 28th Nov 2017, 11:58 PM edit delete reply
*breaks down sobbing*
Lythar 28th Nov 2017, 11:58 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, we're gonna need to hug everyone right now.
Baeronius 29th Nov 2017, 12:05 AM edit delete reply
Why do I hug again?
Lythar 29th Nov 2017, 12:20 AM edit delete reply
We remember hugging. Just... not when we met these people.
Bluhx2 28th Nov 2017, 11:59 PM edit delete reply
Blue_Elite 29th Nov 2017, 12:01 AM edit delete reply
Yep... take a moment to recover from this one. Just.. not TOO long of a moment. Time is unfortunately not our luxury. I recommend waiting on reading the note we made for ourselves. It will hopefully be good therapy in the long run but right now we need as few distractions as possible.

So... take a moment. Get it together. And let's finish WHY we did this.

And also remember: Carpenter is not be forgiven.
Mochi 29th Nov 2017, 12:06 AM edit delete reply
iiiiii think it's time to let ourselves have a good hard cry. the last few hours have been absolutely hellish. cry on caius, maybe? he is large and good and will protect the small sad jane. he's certainly better equipped to handle it than dr. finch is. once we've managed to regain some composure we can set to waking up macland.

and it better work this time.
rufiangel 29th Nov 2017, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
Cry on Caius, this.
Cuttlefish 29th Nov 2017, 12:23 AM edit delete reply
It's time for Jane to collect on all her outstanding hug debt.
Wierdweblurker 29th Nov 2017, 12:27 AM edit delete reply off remarkably easy. *ducks to avoid stream of thrown objects*. Seriously. We cut out valuable memories, and that is sad. That being said, our relationships with all of these people are more, far more, than a simple meeting. We still have them, strong as ever, even as we cut out corrupted first impressions that would have sown discomfort and fear through our every friendship. So I prescribe hugs for the whole party, brain surgery for Macland, and absolutely NO NEGOTIATION with this Nil creature. It will burn for what it did to our memories.
Guest 29th Nov 2017, 12:56 AM edit delete reply
As much as a thought-entity can burn.
Auron 29th Nov 2017, 12:36 AM edit delete reply
Recover memories the best you can. Laugh at the vent hermit.
PurpleKetchup 29th Nov 2017, 12:50 AM edit delete reply
Well, fuck.
demiboy 5th Mar 2018, 6:40 PM edit delete reply